Hope's Issue
by swaggers
Summary: Hope's going through puberty but when he needs help, nobody gives it to him. Ridiculous? Yes. Stupid one-shot. Read if you wanna.


He sat on his bed with his thoughts. Puberty. Puberty and the thoughts of..... girls...

_"No. Get it out of my mind!" _Hope angrily pounded his fists to his head. The thoughts crammed in there all taunting him like a hot fudge sundae on a scorching hot day.

"Light." The word slipped out. Could it be? Is he in love with her?

"No, no, NO!" He stood and banged his fists to the wall. Hope had never felt love and now he did. But to feel love to .... Lightning.... this was strange to him.

"I love her." Hope said without even thinking. He heard himself and realized he said he loved Lightning. He was ready to choke himself to death until he said,

"I love her!" Hope sat back down on the bed confused. "I do." Lightning walked in to see a distressed looking Hope. "Hope?"

"I LOVE YOU!" Hope ran up to Lightning and hugged her.

"Ha, ha, Hope. Funny. But it isn't April fools so you can.. get off.." Lightning tried gently pushing Hope away when she realized something.

"Wait... Snow got you on crack TOO?" She quickly pushed him away. "What do you mean I love you!"

"Snow put Serah, Fang and Vanille on crack! Now he got you too!"

"No! Its.... puberty.... it got me.. Now I'm in love."

"Dude that isn't funny anymore."

"I didn't know you said the word dude!"

"What? Why?"

"Oh ya know you were like... boring.... I LOVE YOU!"

"Quit it Hope!" Lightning thought for a moment. "Don't worry Hope I'll take you to an addiction hospital and we'll get you off of that stuff!"

"Now you just lost it." Hope smacked Lightning's face. "Hope...."

"Oh my GOSH now he thinks he's going through PUBERTY! I'm gonna kill that Snow!" Lightning runs off and murders Snow. Hope sat back down and thought some more. _"Lightning was no help, Snow can't be help since he's dead,..... I wonder if Serah will help." _Hope ran to Serah's room.

"Serah, can we talk?"

"Bout what?"

"Well, I'm in love with Lightning and she thi-"

"OMG Snow got you on that stuff TOO!"

"AGH YOU'RE NO HELP!" Hope ran out of Serah's room and went to Fang even though he was POSITIVE she wouldn't help. Just to see.

"Fang,"

"I knew you would want to join the cracky club!"

"Wuh... what?"

"C'mon you can do it now! Just sniff up the crack and....."

"NO FANG!" Hope ran out of her room. "I can check on Dajh, Sazh, and Vanille but if they don't work I'll try..... Dysley."

Hope asked Dajh, Sazh and Vanille but they were all the same. No help what-so-ever. Especially Sazh. Hope headed to Dysley. He couldn't stand the thought that puberty was inside of him and he had no idea what to do so he busted right in.

"Dysl- Is.... that a picture of Lightning you're kissing?"

"Uh... NO!" Dysley quickly put the picture away. "What is it you need?"

"Can you explain to me what puberty is?"

Dysley gasped. "Snow got you on that white horse?"

"No....."

"Oh. OK then. Well, um, puberty is um.... its uh.... Its what makes a guy like a girl."

"So nothing's wrong with me when I like Lightning?"

"Nope. But ya know she's taken."

"What? By who?"

Dysley smirked. "By a handsome, smart, strong, beefy older man."

"Older as in you? Or older as in old coop?"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm SAYING that you're like SUPER DUPER old." Hope smiled.

"Yea, yea whatever." Dysley looked back at the picture of Lightning. "Ah, she's a diva. If she would just wear some heels and sexy tights she would be per-" Dysley looked to Hope who was staring at him like a fool.

"Hope... don't get the wrong message!"

**SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW: IN THIS SECTION, HOPE'S VOICE BEGINS TO BREAK SO WHEN HE TALKS HIS VOICE GOES ALL HIGH AND MESSES UP AND STUFF. JUST THOUGHT YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW! (WHEN THERE ARE CAPS IN A WORD, THAT'S WHERE HIS VOICE IS GETTING ALL SQUEAKY N STUFF.)**

"You like LIGHtning?"

"I... I...."

"You CAn't! She's MINE!"

"Hope you don't understand!"

"But SHE's MIne!"

"Man..... You really on that white horse!"

"I am NOT!" Hope threw a tantrum on the floor. "I'm NOT I'M not I'm nooooot!"

"OK THAT'S IT!" Dysley transformed into Barthandelus. "Witness the power of a fal'Cie!"

"NO! I'm getting help WITH pubERTY whether its from YOU or not." Hope stormed out of Dysley's. He went to a lake and just stared at his reflection. "Something's wrong with me. I know."

"HOPE!" Lightning screamed and ran up to him. "Hope! Turns out you're not on crack!"

"No FREakin DUH!"

"Whoa... Guess you are going through puberty."

"Yes." Hope said sounding ashamed. "You OK Hope? There's nothing to be ashamed of. Puberty happens to everyone."

"I know."

"Maybe if you got Snow to get you on crack it would-"

"Lightning! You're no help!" Hope ran off crying. Hope suddenly woke up to the sound of Lightning's voice.

"Hope! Snow just got me on crack! You GOTTA try it!"


End file.
